We Care
by Stuckinmycocoon
Summary: Post summer finale. Sequel to one-shot "Pretending to Care". Callie gets reunited with the Fosters, but her struggles are not over yet. Deals with some mature themes of self injury and suicide (no death). If you're easily triggered by either, be warned.
1. Chapter 1 - Found

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters. I own only my plot and any character that isn't in the television series._

_Author's Note: Based on all the enthusiastic reviews I've gotten, I've decided to turn my one-shot "Pretending to Care" into a multi-chapter fic. Sort of. I've decided to put it into a separate fic, like a sequel of sorts, because I feel I set the bar too high for myself with the one-shot and I don't want to disappoint. Besides, it's hard for me to write like that all the time. Too emotional. To clear up any confusion though, from the start, our anxious observer will no longer be narrating (i.e. I have absolutely no idea how that would work), so we're moving to third-person narration.  
_

**Chapter 1: Found**

Ring. The phone rang out in the Foster household, and Mariana jumped on it before it had to ring twice. She always hoped it would be Callie's voice on the other end, and yet every time it wasn't, the mood would fall and Jude was getting progressively more depressed as time passed. He refused to go to school, wouldn't eat, wouldn't talk, wouldn't do anything. She had overheard her moms wondering if they would need to hospitalize him before he wasted away, just to get some food in him, and she was worried about her youngest brother. But not as worried as she was about Callie. At least she knew Jude was safe. And...alive.

"Hello?"

A woman's voice answered, and Mariana's hopes dropped like a stone. Not Callie. "I'm looking for a Stefanie Foster or a Lena Adams-Foster."

"One minute, please." Mariana handed the phone to Stef, whose face, like the rest of the family's, had fallen when it wasn't Callie on the other end.

"This is Stefanie Foster."

"Mrs. Foster, my name is Dr. Naomi Finch. Are you the current guardian of Callie Jacobs?"

"Yes. Do you something about Callie? Do you know where she is? Do you know if she's safe?"

"Yes, Mrs. Foster, yes to all your questions. I'm a psychiatrist at Gateway Hospital, in Los Angeles. Callie Jacobs was brought in two days ago, and is currently under my care in our psychiatric unit. She revealed your names, and her own full name to us, only this morning. She is currently under a 72 hour psych hold to assess her mental status, but you may come and see her if you like."

"We're on our way. We can be there in 2 or so hours."

"Then I'll talk to you more at that time. Good bye." Stef hung up the phone.

"It was something about Callie, wasn't it? Is she alright?" Lena asked the question that was on everybody's mind.

"She's in LA. Let's go everyone. Pile in. I'll tell you what I know along the way."

Lena rose, a huge smile on her face. "I'll go tell Jude." She raced upstairs while Stef wrangled the rest of the kids. Mariana and Jesus ran to their rooms to change out of their pajamas, while Brandon hung back.

"Is she okay?"

"B, I don't know much. She's alive, she's safe, we can see her."

"What happens now?"

"We see her. We bring her home. We can figure everything out then." He didn't look reassured. "B, you did right to tell us what happened between the two of you. And I promise you now what I promised you then: we'll figure this whole thing out. Together, as a family. Right now, let's just go get Callie, alright?"

Brandon turned and ran upstairs to get changed. He overheard crying, and peeked through the door of Jude and Jesus's room to find Jude bawling in Lena's arms. It was the first time he had seen Jude actually cry since Callie had left. He heard Lena talking soothingly, and watched her rub circles on Jude's back.

"She's okay, Jude, it's okay. We're going to go see her now. She's just in LA, that's like, a two hour drive at the speed I plan on going. Jude, you're going to see Callie today."

"It's all my fault!" He sobbed. "She left me! She doesn't want to see me again!"

"That's not true, Jude. It was very confusing for all of you, what happened. Your sister loves you; her note said she was leaving for you, because she thought she was ruining things for you. It was misguided, but she thought she was doing the best thing for you. She didn't leave you. I'm sure she wants to see you again, and the sooner we get into the car, the sooner that can happen. Alright? It's all going to be okay."

"Really?" he sniffled.

"Really. Now, get dressed." Jude wrapped his arms around Lena's neck and hugged her tight before getting out of her lap. Jesus also entered the room then, not wanting to disturb the scene. Lena left her youngest sons to change, and encountered her eldest at the door.

"B? You're not dressed yet either?"

"I was talking to Mom. Is he going to be alright? He hasn't cried at all since she's left, and now he's crying that she's found?"

"It's been very emotional and confusing for everyone, B. People just handle it in different ways. We'll get through this. It's all going to be okay. Now, go get dressed."

"Yeah, Mama." Brandon disappeared his room, just as Mariana poked her head out of her's.

"Mama?"

"Yeah, sweets?"

"Do you think I should bring anything for Callie? Like, a change of clothes or something?"

"That's a good idea, Mari. Clean clothes are always a good idea. Perhaps she'll need them, perhaps she won't, but it's always better to be prepared."

"Right." Mariana's head disappeared and Lena heard rumbling in the closet.

A small body dashed by her. "No running on the stairs..." she called, but the body was already gone. Soon, another, slightly larger, ran past. "No running...ah, whatever. Just please, let nobody fall down and break a bone today."

The fates were watching out for them, and soon the whole family was dressed and downstairs. They took the van, being the only one with seven seatbelts.

"So?" Jesus said, as soon as they were piled in.

"So, what, young man?" Stef asked.

"What about Callie? What did they say? Who did you talk to?" All attention was on Stef, as Jesus asked the question they all wanted to ask.

"Honestly, sweets, she didn't tell me much. Callie's safe, she's at a hospital in LA, and we're going to see her."

"Is she hurt?" Jude asked, voice cracking.

"The doctor I talked to didn't really say. It didn't sound like she was seriously injured. It was a psychiatrist I talked to. She only said that they were evaluating Callie's mental status."

"Her mental status? What does that mean?" Mariana asked.

"Sweets, I don't know. She said she'd tell us more when we got there." There was silence. Lena finally turned on the radio, for some noise, but the rest of the drive was quiet. Sometimes, a little information was worse than no information because it gave the mind ample time to imagine every possible terrible scenario.

They piled out of the car at the hospital. "Do you know where we're going?" Lena asked Stef.

Stef spent a minute, looking at the hospital directory. "Floor 8B," she said finally. They took the elevators. On the 8th floor, Stef was asking a nurse for directions when a red-haired woman approached them.

"I see you're looking for me. Hi, I'm Doctor Finch. You must be Mrs. Foster. We spoke on the phone," the red-haired woman said, extending a hand.

Stef took it. "Stef. And family. Where is she? Where's Callie?" She realized her greeting may have been a little rude, but seriously, who has time for niceties when their child has been missing for over a week?!

The doctor smiled, and Stef realized she understood. "Callie's in there," she gestured to a room. "You can see her, but don't greet her yet. We need to talk, and we need to take it slow."

The whole family rushed over and they could see Callie strumming on a guitar. She was wearing hospital scrubs, but she didn't look injured. They all recognized the tune she was playing – the Hush Little Baby lullaby, and both Lena's and Stef's hearts thudded in turn to hear their talented daughter strumming that simple tune.

"Can she see us?" Jesus asked.

"It's a one way mirror, for observational purposes. Now, I need to talk to your moms first, so why don't you guys wait here? We'll just step right over here. That way, everyone can still reassure themselves that she's alive."

Callie started to sing, still unaware of her audience.

"Hush little baby, don't you cry,  
Everyone knows you're living a lie.  
And if you show who you really are,  
Your friends will throw you under a car."

As Callie played a few bridges, they all turned to look at each other. These weren't the usual lyrics. Even Dr. Finch stopped, and let them listen for a bit.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word,  
Everyone knows you're just some nerd.  
You're not cool, you'll never be,  
Stop living in a world of fantasy."

"Hush little baby, why don't you quit?  
Everyone knows you're inadequate.  
Hide your patchwork arms in your sleeves  
Let no one know of the pain it relieves."

Tears were falling freely now as they watched the girl they all loved sing a song of pain.

"Hush little baby, don't be a bore  
Everyone knows you act like a whore.  
You gave in to your boyfriend, now he's gone  
And telling all his friends you're an easy one."

"Hush little baby, don't bother me now  
Everyone knows you look like a cow.  
You starve or purge yourself to be thin,  
And yet you know that you'll never win."

Brandon was the first to notice the song change, but the others caught on. It grew lighter, a little hopeful.

"Hush little baby, I believe in you,  
What everyone knows isn't always true.  
Life gets better if you hold out for it.  
A few more years and then you can split."

Callie stops singing, and started just playing, moving from one chord progression to another, playing snatches of songs in complete improvisation. Dr. Finch beckoned Lena and Stef over, as the kids continued to watch Callie.

"You're probably wondering why she's here."

"Yes." There were still tears in both Stef and Lena's eyes, but they were turning to business. Business and information.

"She was brought in by a police officer. He found her perched on the side of a bridge, about 200 feet up." Lena gasped. Dr. Finch continued. "She claimed she was thinking of jumping, but decided against it because the bridge wasn't high enough. He talked to her, he talked her back, and he brought her here. He's been by a couple of times since he brought her in to check up on her; I think she made quite the impression on him. She really is quite the girl, she just can't see it. I can arrange for you to meet him, if you'd like."

Stef nodded. "Yes."

"Callie, our Callie, tried to commit suicide?" Lena was still having problems processing that information, and in all honestly, Stef just had an easier time hiding it. Her job always made her shove her feelings aside and take care of business.

"Honestly, I can't tell if she actually tried or not. I do know, from talking to her and having the officer repeat his conversation with her, that she is suicidal. She believes that she ruins and poisons everything she touches, that nobody wants her for who she is, and that nobody cares. I understand her life has been difficult. She puts up a lot of walls, but I have gotten her to open up to me a little. I don't know if you're aware, but she has been self-harming as a way of dealing with emotions that are too big for her to handle and that she was never shown how to handle constructively."

"We're horrible people," Lena whispered. "We never knew. Our poor Callie!"

"You're not horrible. I've dealt with a lot of these cases. People who self-harm are usually very secretive about what they do, and they're good at learning how to hide it. We've examined her, and for the most part, there was a space of time that coincided with her staying with you that she doesn't have recent scars for. They are many that are older, and some that are very recent, as in the last two weeks or so?"

"Liam. God damn him," Stef said, anger barely being contained in her voice.

"Liam? She hasn't mentioned that name to me."

"He was a foster brother in a former home. He raped her when she was fourteen, and even though she came forward about it, to rescue the girl currently in the house no less, the judge ruled that there wasn't enough evidence to convict him. He focused on Callie's file, not Callie herself."

"That explains a lot of a vague references and hints. Now that I know, I'll make sure to let her know that, when she's ready, she can talk to me about it."

"When can we take her home? When can we talk to her?"

"You can talk to her today. I just want to take things slow. Having six people rush at her, no matter how much you all want to, will not help her. That's why I wanted to speak to you first. You can tell your kids what you think they should know, and then I want one of you to go in, to talk to her. We'll take it from there."

Stef and Lena looked at each other, communicating without words in the way of long partners. They separated, Lena to go to the kids, and Stef waited at the door. "Well, alright then." Dr. Finch opened the door.

**~~~o~~~**

_Author's Note: So, what do you think? Should I keep going?_


	2. Chapter 2 - Reunion

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's Note: Wow! Thanks to all my awesome reviewers; you guys really make my day when I see those great reviews. Hopefully, you'll like this chapter, too. I've tried to stay fairly true to character. It's a little shorter than the last, but I didn't want to drag this out too long. The next chapter will look at Callie's recovery. As always, tell me what you think, or what you want to see coming up. Now, without further ado, I give you chapter two!_

**Chapter 2: Reunion**

The door opened, and the music ceased as Callie turned to look at who had come in. Her face went from sad, to happy, and back to sad again so fast that Stef wondered if she had even seen the smile. She ran to Callie, followed her instincts, and pulled the teen into a tight hug.

"Callie, baby..." she breathed. Then, louder, "You scared the hell out of me!" Callie started to pull away, but Stef held her tight. "Let me hold you, just for a minute, so I can reassure myself that you're okay." Stef loosened her hold as a thought occurred to her. "You are okay, right? You're not hurt anywhere?"

"I'm fine." Callie's voice was quiet, almost monotonous, but Stef could detect hidden emotion that Callie was desperately trying to push away.

"Thank God." Stef was not a praying woman, but now seemed as good a time as any to cover her spiritual bases. "We were so worried about you, Callie," she said, still not letting the teenager go.

"If you only knew what happened, you'd hate me." Callie's voice was quiet, and shaking with unshed tears. She pushed Stef away, not feeling worthy of a mother's love. Her voice rose, desperate. "Please, please, I don't care what happens to me, just say you'll keep Jude!"

"Callie, look at me." Stef let Callie put enough distance between them to look the teenager in the eyes. Callie's eyes darted everywhere, not wanting to make eye contact, but Stef waited patiently until Callie's eyes met her own. "Sweets, if you're talking about what happened between you and Brandon or between you and Jude, they told me already. And it's okay. I definitely don't hate you. I wish you would have come to us about it, though, rather than running off and trying to deal with it all on your own. You scared us half to death. We didn't know if we'd ever see you again." With that terrifying thought, she reached to hold the teenager close in her arms again.

"So, you're not mad?" Callie's voice held skepticism, and hope, as she asked the question into Stef's neck.

"No, I'm not definitely not mad. We're going to have to talk about this, and figure things out, but we'll do it together, and, Callie, we're never going to abandon you, or leave you, or anything. If you and Brandon want to be together, we can't go through with your adoption, only Jude's, but we can foster you until you turn 18, and we will." She had already spoken to Lena about this, after Brandon had confessed to them the reason he thought Callie disappeared. While it might not be 100% legal, since they would still be foster siblings, Stef was okay with letting that slide. She loved Callie like a daughter, and sometimes you had to bend the rules for family.

"Really?" This was unexpected news to Callie. No matter what, she always expected that they would throw her out on her ass for seducing their son, because that is how she had always been treated.

It seemed like Stef could read her mind. "Yes. I've said it before and I'll say it again- you're not disposable, Callie. You're not worthless. You matter. And, I love you."

"But Lena hates me, right?" As much as she hated to admit it, Callie's voice was trembling as she asked that.

"Why on earth would you say that?" Stef was shocked.

"You're here. She's not. And you probably think I'm too damaged for Jude, for the kids, to see." That simple statement as Callie choked back tears nearly broke Stef's heart and she pulled Callie in for another hug. She couldn't believe that's how the teen felt, and she hurried to reassure her.

"Everybody's here. They're right outside, wanting desperately to see you. Your doctor only wanted one person to come in first, to see how you'll handle it."

"Really?" Callie's voice was skeptical, and hopeful, all at the same time.

The easiest way to prove it was to show her. Stef raised an arm, and waved at the one-way mirror. Within half a second, the entire clan was pouring in, and no one was faster than Jude and he flung himself into his sister's arms.

"Callie! Callie! Callie! I didn't mean it! Don't hate me!" he said as he sobbed. Stef supported them both in her arms for a few seconds, until Lena was at her side to help.

"Jude, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I just wanted what was best for you, and this family is what is best for you." Callie whispered, as she hugged him.

"Not if you're not around." Jude said, defiant through his sobs. Nothing was good if his sister wasn't around, no matter what he may say in anger.

"It is, whether I'm around or not." Callie tried to convince him.

"No!" He cried, heart breaking.

Lena's voice broke in. "But it doesn't matter because Callie isn't going anywhere anyway." Jude and Callie both looked at her.

"Really?" Jude's voice was high.

"Really." Lena's voice was firm.

Stef echoed her. "Really."

Brandon, Mariana, and Jesus all threw themselves into the family hug, wanting to touch Callie, to talk to her, to reassure themselves that she really was okay. There were tears all around.

"Callie, come home," Mariana begged, crying. "I can't sleep alone in my room anymore. It's too quiet, too empty without you."

"Yeah," Jesus said, not even manly trying to hold back his tears. "It's just not the same without you. You may have marched into our lives without so much as a heads-up, but we're not whole without you now." He hugged her tight.

Brandon hadn't said a word, but he caught Callie's eyes with his own and spoke volumes with one glance. _I'm sorry_, his look said. _I never meant for you to go. I love you._ Callie looked away first, uncomfortable. This was a conversation they would have to have, but not now, not with the entire family present. Fortunately, Lena interrupted the eye-conversation.

"Callie, baby," Lena said. "When I brought you home, I never imagined the impact that you would have on our lives. We were only going to keep you temporarily, until you found your forever family. I didn't think then that it would be us, but you insinuated yourself into our lives and wrapped us tight. At first, your story touched me. Your concern for and rescue of your brother spoke volumes about you, regardless of what your file says. You took care of them all, while I was with Stef in the hospital. You faced your fears, and saved a little girl from a terrible fate, even if the law didn't see it your way. You are an amazing person, Callie, and I never want you to forget that fact. You have this huge capacity for caring that I've seen, and that is rare in people. Now, you just need to realize that others care about you too. We care, Callie. We want you. We love you." Lena's little impromptu monologue caused everyone to hug Callie tighter.

Dr. Finch watched the family reunion with interest. From her experience, it spoke a lot about the family dynamics, and she was pleasantly surprised to see that Callie had such a support system. It hadn't quite sounded that way when she had finally gotten the teen to open up to her about her family. In Callie's mind, she was easily discarded, as easy to cast aside as it would be to toss trash into a can. She fit together some of the pieces, and came to the conclusion that it was Callie's history that made her unwilling to fully let these people into her life, to trust them. If you are constantly told that you are worthless, you will believe it. And if that is ingrained in your psyche, it's hard to let go even when people tell you differently. These people, her family, they were trying to tell her differently. And now it was her job to get Callie to believe them. It would go a long ways toward the teen's recovery.


	3. Chapter 3 - Questions

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's Note: I am so so so sorry for the wait. I was just stuck on where I was going with this and especially the little details. I'm sorry if I made you suffer because of my writer's block. This chapter ended up deviating a little from where I thought I was going so I could look at the rest of the family. The next one will be pretty Callie-centric. On a more positive note, the next chapter should be up in a couple of days, since I already know where I'm going with it, but the one after might take a little longer since school starts up again on Monday. Thanks for all your encouraging reviews, and a special shout out to for your PM. You helped me get going again with your suggestion, so I just wanted to say thanks. As always, tell me what you think, or what you want to see coming up. I do love reviews; they totally make my day. (Oh, and lastly, sorry for any mistakes; this is unbeta-ed.)_

**Chapter 3: Questions**

"I'm sorry to break up this reunion, but Callie, you have group in five minutes, and I'm afraid I can't allow you to deviate from your program," Dr. Finch finally said.

Callie nodded. She turned to Stef and Lena. "Group's only an hour, and then there's lunch. You can... I mean, if you want... you don't have to... stay for lunch?" The statement was turned into a question as Callie's insecurities came into play. She mentally kicked herself. _God, Callie, what possessed you to say that? They already drove all the way here to see you, you're probably interrupting their plans for the day, you should just let them go and not be so needy and -_

Lena's voice interrupted her mental put-down. "We'd love to, wouldn't we, guys?" Nods all around agreed. "I think we'll go for a little walk, get some fresh air, and we'll see you again in an hour, okay?" She looked at Dr. Finch, who confirmed Callie's invitation and their plans with a nod of her head.

"Callie, time to go," Dr. Finch said. Stef wouldn't let her go without another squeeze, and Callie got up and left the conference room on her own.

Stef disentangled herself from her family. "Do you have to be there, too?"

"No, I'm not running this session."

"I have more questions."

"I'm sure you do. You and I could talk, if you'd like?"

Stef nodded and turned to Lena. "Honey, I'm going to stay here and talk to the doctor for a little while. Do you mind taking the kids on your own?"

Lena shook her head and reached to peck her partner's lips. "Divide and conquer? Okay. Text me when you're done?" Stef nodded.

"There's a wonderful park not far from here, if you want some fresh air," Dr. Finch suggested. Lena nodded. "Just ask at the receptionist's desk; they'll give you directions."

"Thanks." Lena turned to her kids and spent a moment just taking in the mixed expressions on their faces. Stef wasn't the only one with questions, but she hoped that her partner would come back with some answers, or else the doctor would be bombarded with questions from four teenagers and another mom. "Come on, my babies, let's go for a little walk." They got up and left, and only Stef and Dr. Finch were left in the conference room.

"We can take this conversation to my office?" Dr. Finch suggested. Stef nodded, and let her lead the way.

Dr. Finch's office wasn't far, and Stef was glad that they had moved. Her office was...cozier, almost intimate, and while she knew that it was meant to make her feel that way, Stef didn't feel manipulated by the interior decorating scheme. Rather, she felt more comfortable, at least compared to the stark conference room. She took the couch, at Dr. Finch's gesture, as the doctor settled into a padded armchair, after arranging a legal pad and a file on the desk within easy reach.

"So, what would you like to talk about?" Dr. Finch asked.

Stef smiled; it was such a therapist's question. Then she sobered almost instantly, remembering why she was there.

"Well, for starters, I'd like a timeline, at least from when she got here. Callie's been missing over a week, though, so feel free to fill in any earlier stuff if you're able."

"Today's Tuesday, so Callie was brought in late Sunday night. She was evaluated in the ER first, before being transferred to this floor early Monday morning. She didn't really open up the first day, but just after breakfast, she told us her full name, and gave us your number. She said she was being selfish, and she had promised not to be selfish, but that we had convinced her that it was more selfish to make you worry than anything else. I really don't think she expected you to come." She paused there, allowing Stef to process the information.

"She didn't think we'd come?" Stef couldn't quite fit her head around that. It was just ten days since the wedding, just ten days since she and Lena had asked Callie and Jude to become permanent members of their family.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Dr. Finch prompted, watching the wheels turn in the blonde's head.

"Ten days ago, my wife and I officially got married. That morning, we asked Callie and Jude if they'd like to be adopted, to become permanent members of the family. They were excited, they said yes. The next morning, Callie had run away. I just... you don't ask somebody to become part of your family if you're not planning on coming at a run the minute they get into trouble."

"I see. I don't know what's going on inside her head. She hasn't really opened up much since she's been here. She does have some trust issues though; most foster children do. It's probable that in all of her experience, the people she's been fostered with have gotten out when the going gets rough, so she's programmed by her past to believe that will continue to be the case. Perhaps this time she removed herself from the situation to protect herself from the abandonment she thought was coming." Stef nodded. It made perfect sense, given what Callie had shared about her and Jude's previous families, and it lessens the feelings of guilt and, even, betrayal, though she didn't want to admit to that one.

"What happens now?"

"Some of that largely depends on Callie," Dr. Finch said. "A 72 hour suicide watch is about the minimum following a suicide attempt. Most of our patients stay here longer. Some are here as long as a month, some are moved to other facilities where they can get more specialized help."

"A month," Stef breathed out the comment.

"Callie could go home the day after tomorrow, but it will be only be under certain conditions. One, I have to be sure that she is no longer an immediate danger to herself...well, no longer suicidal, anyway. The self-injury is another hurdle entirely, but not the one I'm most concerned about right now. Her self-injury seems mostly unrelated to her suicidal gesture. The only one who can convince me that it's safe to send her home is Callie herself. Two, she's going to need supervision if she goes home. There needs to be an adult around her at all times. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to have to stay awake in shifts all night, but she won't be ready to go back to school right away, and she can't be left home alone."

"That won't be a problem. I've delayed going back to work until this crisis with Callie is resolved. I can take more time off. I'm still technically on leave, from a job-related injury, anyway."

Dr. Finch nodded, not pressing, and continued. "Three, she's going to need individual outpatient therapy. The cop mentioned she said that she had group therapy previously?" Stef nodded, confirming it. "Well, she needs more than that now. I can refer you to some psychiatrists and psychologists in the San Diego area. She may need mood-stabilizing medication, like antidepressants, and that requires a doctor's prescription. I will send her home with a prescription for a mild sedative to give her if she gets too wound up. Her outpatient therapist will evaluate and monitor her, and let you know when the supervision restrictions can be lifted and the schedule of her sessions. Each person is different."

Stef nodded again. "That all sounds very reasonable," she finally said.

"But as I said, it's all up to Callie."

"Is there anything we can do?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing. Tell her, show her, that you love her. Convince her you're not going anywhere, that you still want her. Reiterate your plans to adopt her and love her unconditionally. Encourage her to share her feelings, but don't push her too hard. There will be a time for that, for pushing her to help her get it all out, but that's not now. Remind her that she has people in her life who love her, who would be devastated if she died. Make sure she knows that no matter what happens, no matter what mistakes she might make, you'll still be there for her, still love her. Tell her that she makes things better, that she doesn't ruin whatever she touches. That she isn't selfish for wanting love and a family. That she matters."

Stef looked at her. That last line was the same thing she had just told Callie. Dr. Finch merely nodded knowingly. "Okay," she said. "I can do that."

"Is there anything else?"

"She hasn't said anything about where she'd been before coming here?"

"I think she's said more to you while you were just with her than to any of us during the time she's been here. She also talked quite a while with the police officer who brought her in, but I talked to him, and he didn't mention her saying much about it then."

"Can I speak with him? What's his name?"

"His name is Officer Eric Easton. He left me his private number; I can contact him and ask if it would be alright for me to give you that directly, or if you'll need to contact him through the station. I'm sure, as a police officer yourself, you know how that works better than I do." Stef nodded again. She felt like she was doing a lot of that lately.

"Anything more?"

"I think I'm good for now."

"Okay. I'll let you rejoin your family then. I'm sure they have questions, too. After lunch, at 2, I'll be meeting with Callie for individual therapy. At the end of that session, if she opens up at all, I should have a better idea of where we stand."

"Okay." Stef said. She got up to leave.

"One last thing," Dr. Finch said. Stef turned. "As Callie is still considered a ward of the state, we had to contact her case worker, Bill. He also has a role to play in her going home. Your intentions to adopt her are good, but she is not legally your child yet. I expect you'll be hearing from him later, as will I."

Stef grew pale. She liked Bill, she did, but this had been her worry since Callie had run away. They had had to inform Social Services and the police so people would be out looking for her (though they did wait 24 hours just in case Callie had only left to clear her head and would come back soon), they were lucky to keep Jude after Callie disappeared from their care, and Stef desperately hoped she had not left the state and violated her parole on top of it all. All of those were red flags, she well knew, and Social Services could determine that Callie's best interests were not with them. And Stef knew what that meant too. A group home. A group home, which was Callie's greatest fear. Stef knew that would not be the best place for her baby, and mentally started preparing herself for a fight. She realized Dr. Finch was looking at her, concerned. "Thanks for the heads up," she managed.

"I thought you should know. You obviously care deeply. And just so you know, I also have a strong say in what happens to Callie when she is released. I will make sure, to the utmost of my ability, that she is in the best place for her. If that is with you and your family, great. If it isn't, know that I'm only trying to do what's best for her."

"That's all I want, too. I know... Callie's had some concerns about being placed in a group home before."

"I will encourage her to talk to me about her concerns. She too plays in a role in her future placement."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Stef left. She still had a half hour or so to kill before lunch. As she made her way out of the hospital, she texted Lena. Her wife texted her back immediately with directions. They were about ten minutes away, in the park Dr. Finch had mentioned earlier. Stef set off at a brisk walk, thinking, processing, and planning as she walked. She still didn't know where Callie had been for a week, what had happened to her in that time. She was happy Callie was safe now, but worried sick that she had considered ending her life. She didn't know what the future would bring, but she knew she wouldn't leave Callie to handle it on her own. She would fight for her child. And lastly, she still wasn't exactly sure why Callie had left in the first time. Was it because of what happened with Brandon, and/or what happened with Jude? Or was there more to the story? And how had they missed Callie self-harming? What else had they missed? Was she suicidal when they told her they were going to adopt her, when she left, or had something happened while she was missing that pushed her to the edge? She had gotten answers to some of her questions, but not nearly all.

Her wandering thoughts were interrupted by her wandering feet as she realized she didn't know exactly where she was. She brought up the map on her phone, and then just brought up the app to search out their phones. She hadn't gotten too off course, and she saw her family sitting at a picnic bench in the park soon enough.

She caught snippets of their conversation as she approached. As expected, they were talking about Callie, and what it meant. Her arrival interrupted the conversation.

"Mom!" Jesus said, the first to notice her. The others turned. He reached up a hand to pull her down to the table, sandwiching her between himself and Brandon. Stef noticed Lena was in a similar position, between Mariana and Jude. "What did the doctor say?"

"When is Callie coming home?" That was Jude.

"Where was she?" Mariana interjected.

"Is she okay?" That quiet voice was Brandon's.

"Guys, we talked about not bombarding your mom with questions when she got here," Lena said, but her eyes were asking Stef for answers too.

Stef took a deep breath. There was no easy way to do this. "There are no easy answers here. I got more information from Dr. Finch, but there are no easy answers. Callie has to stay until Thursday, though they may decide to keep her longer."

"Why?" Jesus interrupted.

"Well, they want to make sure her mind is in a good place when she leaves. This is a place for her to relax and figure out some things. When she's ready for the outside world, then she'll be ready to leave. That may be Thursday. It may not be."

"I don't understand," Jude said.

"Nor do I, not really. But that is why she is with professionals. It's their job to understand it. What you should know is that everybody only wants what is best for Callie, and that should be our prime concern as well."

"What's best is for us to be all be together, as a_ family_," Mariana said, emphasizing the word family.

"That's the eventual goal," Stef allowed. She needed to talk to Lena about Bill, but didn't want to do it in front of the other kids, especially Jude, so she left it at that for now.

"Is there anything we can do for her?" Lena asked quietly.

All eyes were on Stef now. "We can tell her and show her that we love her. We can join her for lunch shortly. We will **not** push her, or ask her a lot of questions." She met all their eyes individually, making sure each acknowledged and agreed. "Not right now. I know you probably have a lot of questions for Callie, but bombarding her with questions right now won't help her. And we all want what's best for her, right? But we can be there for her. We can tell her that we still want her as part of the family, we can remind her that she has people in her life who love her very much. Agreed?"

Soft yeahs met her statement.

Lena spoke up. "Well, alright then. We can probably start heading back now. It's almost noon."

"Yelch, hospital food," Mariana vocalized. Her statement was met with a soft laugh all around. Stef and Lena's eyes met, both smiling. How normal that sounded, even if it was just a moment.

As they were walking back, Jude still hanging on to Lena, Mariana and Jesus huddled together, Brandon fell back to walk with Stef. He was silent for a while.

"Is it because of me?" He finally asked, quietly.

"No B, don't think that. A kiss doesn't drive somebody off like that. Even Liam didn't drive her off like that. There's more to the story here, we just don't know it yet." He nodded, but Stef could still see the guilt in his eyes. She didn't know what to do. It matched the guilt in her own eyes, after all.

They walked a few steps more, and she decided to change the subject. "Did you know that song Callie was singing?" It was still a painful subject, given the lyrics of that song, but her curiosity was driving her.

He shook his head. "Never heard it before. And I looked up the lyrics on my phone as we walked out of here. Couldn't find them."

"Do you think she made it up?"

"That would be my guess," he said, noncommittally.

"Have she ever written a song or lyrics before?" Stef pressed.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Mostly, when we play, we either just jam or play songs we both know."

"Hmm..." It was food for the thought, at least.

"Weird song, though, right?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, it was like a lullaby, but then it was full of all this bad stuff, but then at the end it changed. There was... hope there, I guess. That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah B, I think so. Hope is a good thing. Hope is always a good thing." They finished their walk to the hospital in silence, although neither mind was quiet.


	4. Chapter 4 - Conversations

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who is still with me after my temporary hiatus! I love getting your reviews and ideas, and I tried to incorporate some of them into this chapter. I promised I'd get this one up quicker, so here it is. I wouldn't expect another until next weekend or so, maybe later. I don't know what school has in store for me. I give you fair warning, I upped the angst in this chapter, and there's a scene in which Callie is triggered to self-injure, so beware if you're easily triggered. If you want to talk about it, you can always PM me. Also, please be sure to read the author's note at the end, too. Thanks!_

**Chapter 4: Conversations**

Lunch had already started when the Fosters got back to the hospital, and they arrived at the little cafeteria on the closed ward to see Callie sitting alone at a table with a tray. An orderly, notified by Dr. Finch that they'd be coming, directed them to where they could get food of their own. Extra trays had been brought up for attending family members, and it looked like Callie wasn't the only one with visitors. But most of the adolescents were eating alone in groups with other patients, and Stef and Lena both frowned a little. They could see that maybe happening with adults, but these were kids. These were somebody's kids. Where were their families? Where were their support systems?

Mariana made a face at the burrito wrapped in foil in an attempt to keep it warm that they were given, and Jesus smiled at the fact that his mom's got juice boxes, too, like they were still in elementary school. Everybody thought the green beans from a can seemed a little soggy and unappetizing. It was hospital food, though, so they were expecting that. However, once they all took seats around Callie, eating a meal together for the first time in what seemed like forever, it could have been Thanksgiving dinner.

At first, it was silent, a little awkward. Finally it was Jesus who broke the silence. He started talking about skateboarding and new trick he had seen earlier and how he wanted to try it. He told Callie he wanted to show her, and hey, he could teach her too if she wanted? Callie's shrug was noncommittal, but there was interest in her eyes, interest that both moms picked up on. What Jesus was doing was working. And it was subtle and mature, more mature than they would have anticipated. He was describing for Callie a future with them. Mariana picked up on it too, telling Callie about a new store that was opening up at the mall and how she wanted her sister to check it out with her, because hey, girls had to stick together right? Callie nodded. Shopping wasn't really her thing, but her eyes shone slightly when Mariana called her 'sister'. Brandon started talking about music, an interest both of them shared. He was adding to the piece he had written about his family, because there was now more people in it. He wanted to see if maybe they could do a duet with Callie on the guitar, and perhaps they could create lyrics for it? Callie didn't say much, but her agreement made him realize that maybe there was a lyricist in her. Jude didn't say much either, and he ignored his food in favor of cuddling up next to his sister. Callie chastised him gently, telling him he needed to eat. Stef and Lena added to the conversation in pieces, but they let their kids run with it. This is what she needs, their eyes said, in the silent manner of long-time partners. She needs to see what her future looks like with us, that we still want her, that we aren't going to leave her.

They finished their lunch pretty quickly; the food was about as bad as they thought it would be. The only popular item was the pudding cups, which everybody downed. "Better get out of here soon, Callie; you'll starve on this stuff," Mariana couldn't help but add. "Moms' cooking is sooo much better." Callie smiled, remembering the cooking. She had missed it. She had missed sitting in the kitchen watching Lena, or sometimes Stef, cook. There was just something so... home-y about that. She missed home. _Wait, stop Callie_, she scolded herself. _That's not your home; it'll never be your home. It's too good for you and you know you'll just ruin it. You're selfish and you ruin everything, remember_? _Jude deserves that home, these people, not you. No matter how nice they all are being right now. Remember what you told that police officer, on the bridge? _She thought back. That conversation seemed so long ago. _People only start to care when you threaten to take your own life. That's what it was. And the same thing I told that cop would apply here to: they'll rush in for the crisis, then when the crisis is averted, they can pat themselves on the back, go home, and forget about me. That cop never came back either. So I was right about that. _Callie didn't realize that she had lost herself in her own thoughts, until she came out of it and everyone was quiet and trying not to stare at her.

"Callie?" Lena asked gently. "Everything okay over there?"

"I'm fine," she answered quickly. "Just a little tired."

"It's been a big day," Lena responded. She turned to Stef with a question, but Callie didn't hear it. She was lost in her thoughts again. _See? _She told the part of herself that wanted to trust these people, to love them. _I was right. "How are you?" "I'm fine." An insincere social custom. More people just pretending to care. _

The cafeteria was beginning to empty, as patients were finishing their lunches. The Fosters were at a loss of what to do. The kids tried to keep the conversation going, tried to include Callie, but she kept zoning in and out, ranging between mildly responsive to not at all. The adults noticed, but didn't know what to do about it. They didn't know how to help her, how to get through to her. Finally, it was Callie herself who did something.

She stood up. "I'm really tired," she said. "I think I'm going to lie down for a while. I'm sorry you guys had to come all the way here to see me. I'm sorry I messed things up so much."

Stef stood up too, and embraced her. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You do what you need to do to get well. Just know, that even when we go home, we're not going anywhere. We're here for you. Understand? It won't be home again, until you're there with us."

Lena joined the hug, holding Callie on the other side. "Mama sandwich time!" she exclaimed, and noticed, to her delight, the small smile that appeared on Callie's face.

"Why are the moms the only ones who can make a sandwich?" Mariana asked Jesus.

"Foster sandwich!" he cried, and led the kids in swarming the threesome.

"Foster sandwich, Jesus?" Stef asked, as they let their other kids into the group hug.

"Well, you and Mama are like the bread, but sandwiches are boring with just bread. They need things like lettuce and mayo and cheese and tomato. We're that."

"Well, alright then," Lena said. "A Foster sandwich it is. Sounds good enough to eat."

"Better than this hospital food, anyway," was the plaintive comment from Mariana, gaining a laugh.

In the middle of it all, Callie felt...safe, normal, happy. For a brief moment, the demons had lifted from her shoulders, and she wished she could stay this way forever, with a mom on either side, Jude's arms burrowed around her waist where he tucked himself tightly into the "mama sandwich", and Jesus, Mariana, and Brandon filling out the edges, creating a net to catch her if she ever fell. This was safety, this was family, this was home. She allowed herself to feel that way for a brief moment. But as the embrace loosened, the demons in her mind came back, and she was reminded of her goal. It wasn't to let them in, it was to push them away. _Don't be selfish. They deserve better than you. You'll just ruin it. Don't be selfish._

She pulled herself away. "I'm going to lie down now," she said, and backed out of the room. She noticed the brief flashes of emotion across their faces, and tried to analyze it as she walked away. Was it...hurt? Did she hurt them by pulling away? If she did, would that be a bad thing? People don't care about those who hurt them. She made her way into her shared, but currently empty, room, and lay on her bed in the darkness. She tried to make her mind like the dark empty room, but her thoughts just wouldn't go away. Her old friend, Guilt, had arrived to the party. _It was hurt. You hurt them, and they didn't do anything to do, they just tried to be kind. You hurt them. What kind of a person are you? A terrible one, a failure, unlovable, selfish, a worthless fuck-up. You don't deserve to be loved, you don't deserve a family. You ruin everything! If you weren't so selfish, you would have just jumped off that bridge. But no, it wasn't high enough, you wanted flight. Selfish! Selfish! Selfish!_

The feelings were just too much to handle. She got up, and started searching the room, looking for anything sharp. A needle, a nail, a safety pin, a shaving razor, a knife, anything that would draw blood, anything that would release this pressure that was building inside her skin. She felt in drawers, along the windowsills, checked the floors. She even went into her roommate's stuff, and found nothing. She wished she had stolen the wimpy plastic fork at lunch, because even broken plastic could have a sharp enough edge for what she wanted. But there was nothing. There was nothing. It was the only time that there was nothing. After she had first started, years ago, she always made sure to have something on her person, even if it was just a safety-pin tucked away in a seam of her clothing somewhere. But now she had nothing. Once, she had seen someone fill up a helium balloon until it burst. A man was using it as an example to show a little boy. He then blew up another balloon, and then let a little air out of it. "See," he said. "If you let a little air out, the balloon doesn't explode." Callie felt like that balloon. All she wanted to do was let a little air out.

She began digging her nails deep into the skin of her wrists. That hardly hurt for a second. She used her teeth to bite at her knuckles, and still felt nothing. She could see the half-moon marks of her nails and teeth, could see the discoloration, know that they would probably bruise, but it still didn't give her the relief she longed for. She began punching the wall next to her bed halfheartedly, and the rough cinderblock soon scrapped up the knuckles of her hand. Finally, there was blood, just a little, but there was blood. She started punching harder and more, with both hands, hitting it over and over again like an unyielding punching bag. It wasn't the sweet, simple release that came from a razor, but it was something. She was so caught up in it, that she didn't realize how much noise she was making until two orderlies and a nurse came running. The orderlies grabbed her, controlling her flailing body, and she barely felt the prick of a needle as a nurse gave her something. She started to feel...floaty and distant, as the orderlies carried her into another room, and left her on the floor in there. Then the oblivion came, and she welcomed it with open arms.

When she came around, she had no idea how much time had passed. She was lying on the floor of a room she hadn't been in before. It was a monochromatic sort of pinkish-beige color. There was no noise. There was no furniture, not a bed or even a mattress. The floor was soft, very cushioned. She stood up, a little shakily, using a wall for support. The wall was cushy too, like the floor. _Weird._ She spared a brief thought wondering if the ceiling was the same. She looked at her hand on the wall, and saw that a clean gauze bandage was wrapped around her hand and knuckles. Little half-moon bruises were scattered across her hands and wrists on either side of the gauze, and she presumed underneath it too. She simply looked at it. It felt like she was looking at someone else's hand, like a fog was wrapped around her mind. There was a door in the room. She walked over to it. It had no knob. There was a small window. The door was soft, too. _Where am I?_ She knocked softly at the door. "Hello?" she called.

The door opened. A nurse was on the other side. "Hello Callie, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Confused," Callie said. "What happened? Where am I?"

"You were harming yourself. We drugged you and brought you here to protect you from yourself. The confusion should wear off soon as the drug leaves your system."

"Can I leave?"

"Yes. Dr. Finch wants to see you. You slept through your appointment, but she rescheduled it." Callie nodded, and allowed herself to be led out the room, and down the hall. She stopped at a door Callie was familiar with, and knocked. "Callie Jacobs," she said.

"Come in," said a voice from within.

"Go on," the nurse encouraged, opening the door for her. Callie entered. The red-haired Dr. Finch was sitting behind her desk. Callie took the couch. She started tucking up her feet under her, and then stopped, putting them back on the ground. Dr. Finch smiled.

"Go ahead, be comfortable," she said. "You can sit, lie, sprawl, whatever you want. The couch doesn't care. And neither do I." Callie nodded. She tucked her feet back up under her, making her body into a little ball in one corner. Her body language was not missed by the doctor. As Callie got comfortable, she changed chairs until she was sitting across from Callie, the desk no longer between them. She picked up pad and pen, the tools of her trade, and sat looking at the teen, wondering if Callie would make the first move. She knew all about what had happened earlier, of course, and she had her theories why, but in all honestly, she was happy to see Callie break the pattern of apathy that she had been using since her arrival. Her family's visit had brought emotions to the surface, where they were easier to deal with in the long run, although more painful in the immediacy. Painful physically, as well as emotionally, in Callie's case.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Callie finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I was waiting for you to feel up to it," Dr. Finch replied. "One of the side effects of the drug we gave you is that it would make your thoughts feel a little jumbled as it wears off."

"Jumbled is right, but they're coming together again."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Callie was quiet. She'd never discussed her self-injury before with anyone. That police officer was the first she'd told. When Dr. Finch had brought it up in her intake session, she'd been quiet. It was her secret, her way of dealing with things. Other people just didn't understand. They'd think she was crazy. _Maybe I am. Look where I am. Look who I'm talking to now._ She looked at the doctor, who was still sitting quietly across from her. She didn't push, she didn't talk, she wasn't telling Callie that she was crazy. She was just being patient, waiting for Callie to be ready. She seemed like a decent person, and it wasn't like it was still Callie's secret. It was out there, in the open, raw and exposed.

"I just...I don't know..." she trailed off. How could she describe something she didn't really understand? She thought back to the balloon. "I just wanted to let a little air out," she said finally.

"Go on," the doctor said, encouragingly. "What do you mean by that?" Callie paused. _You're an idiot; she doesn't even understand what you're saying. You really are crazy. _The doctor noticed her hesitation. "I know it might be hard to explain. All I'm asking is that you try."

_In for a penny, in for a pound, right? _"Did you know that you can put some much air inside a balloon that it explodes? I saw it happen once. The pressure just builds and builds, until it just breaks out of the balloon. But you can avoid that by either not filling it all the way, or letting some of the air out before it reaches that critical point. I just wanted to let some of the air out."

"It's a coping mechanism," Dr. Finch stated.

"Yeah, I guess that's the technical term. I guess...I cut to cope with things – emotions, stress, pressure – that just becomes too much to handle."

"But you weren't cutting earlier today."

"There wasn't anything to cut with." Callie stated simply.

"When you entered here, we took away your coping mechanism, didn't we?"

"Yes."

"Do you know why?"

"I'm crazy?" There, it was out in the open.

"No, it's not actually crazy. I won't get into the neurobiology and neurochemistry behind self-injurious behavior, but suffice it to say, it's not crazy. Maybe not the best way to handle things, but you're not crazy, Callie. You're also not the first person I've met who uses this method of coping, and I doubt you'll be the last."

"You have?"

"Yes, it's not uncommon, unfortunately. Let me tell you something. We took away your coping mechanism because we want to keep you safe. You did come here because you were standing on the edge of a bridge, you know that. Our primarily goal is to keep you safe now, including safe from yourself. When you cut before, did you have a ritual?"

"Yes." Dr. Finch waited for her to add to that answer, but Callie didn't feel like talking about it. That was personal.

"Did you ever seek medical attention for your wounds?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I controlled how much I cut, how deep I went."

"I could tell that when I saw your scars. So what happened today?"

Callie paused. She was still trying to work that one out. "I needed it. There wasn't anything sharp around. So I...I... I did what I could, but...since it was different...I couldn't control it."

"In my experience, that's when accidents happen with cutters. Self-injury is an addiction, Callie. Think about it this way. If an alcoholic can't get a drink, sometimes they will do something impulsive, like drink paint remover, which has methanol in it. While methanol is similar to alcohol and can have a similar effect, it is also much more toxic to the body. You can go blind. I think something similar happened to you today. You couldn't use your usual tools, you panicked, you got desperate, and things got out of control. Does that make sense?"

Callie nodded. It did make sense, it made absolute sense. "Now what?" she said finally.

"Right now, I need you to tell me if you feel the urge to hurt yourself." Callie shook her head. "Verbally, please."

"No, I don't."

"Then, after this session, you will be free to go about things are usual. I won't assign you to one-to-one security; I think this was an aberration. But if it happens again while you're here, we will have to take precautions."

"This may be a stupid question..." Callie trailed off.

"It's not."

"You said I panicked because I couldn't use my usual tools. So, wouldn't the best way to make sure it doesn't happen again, would be if I could have my usual tools?" She knew it was a stupid question, that the answer would be no, but she wanted to hear the doctor's response.

The look in the doctor's eyes was compassionate. "I'm sorry, Callie. It's not just you that we have to be careful of; it's everybody. Even if you can control it, if someone else found your tools, they could be at risk. And as I said before, our aim here is to keep you safe. But we can talk about other coping mechanisms that you can try." She reached into her drawer, and pulled out a rubber band, passing it over to Callie.

"What's this for?"

"It's a method that works for some seasoned cutters. You put the band around your wrist, and snap it when you feel like cutting." Callie tested it, feeling the sting of the band against her skin. "You can also try ice cubes. Hold an ice cube in your hand, or the crook of your elbow; it will give you a physical sensation if you're feeling numb. Or you could try this," she said, passing Callie a red felt-tip pen from another desk drawer. "Use the pen to draw where you want to cut. Maybe seeing it will help. Journal, draw, play music, write music, talk to someone for a distraction. Me, if I'm around; I'll make time for you. Someone else if not. They won't judge you, they won't shoot you full of drugs, they won't brush you off. You don't even have to talk about it, talk about whatever you like."

"What if it still doesn't work?"

"Then we'll keep trying, until we find something that does. And know this, Callie, you won't stop until you want to stop. I can't force you to stop, your family can't force you to stop. And while I can't allow you to have your tools here, I'm not going to suggest that they take them away when you get home. What I can do is help you find other ways of coping, ways that don't put your body in harm's way. But in the end, it's really up to you. It's in your control, Callie. Alright?"

Callie nodded. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, as it all sank in.

"Now, I think we've done enough for today. You're probably exhausted, and maybe still a little groggy. And it's nearly dinnertime. Your family has gone home, but I talked to your moms, and at least one of them is planning on coming back tomorrow. Maybe the whole family. That's up to them, and up to you. Do you have a preference?"

"Nobody has to come. They shouldn't waste their time with me."

"They have very clearly stated that they don't feel like it's a waste of their time, so why don't you let them be the judge of their own feelings?" Callie didn't answer. "They love you, Callie. They're worried about you. They came running the minute I called them to let them know that you were here. They want to be your family, Callie. I know you've been hurt before, and we can talk about that. But a support system is a really important thing to have, alright?" Callie nodded. "Now, do you have a preference if 'nobody' isn't an option?"

Callie hesitated. "Stef, I guess. I don't want Jude here; he's too young, he needs to be protected from seeing me like this. And I guess I just felt a little overwhelmed today, with everyone, though it was good to see them all. Or if Stef's busy, I guess Lena could come, if she wants."

"I will call them and let them know how you feel, and then they can make the final decision. Will that work for you?"

Callie nodded, but she couldn't help adding, "Make sure they know they don't have to come. They shouldn't feel obligated to."

"I will let them know, since you wish it. One last thing. If you're up for it, tonight or tomorrow, I'd like you to try something for me. Before our next session, I'd like you to write something – a journal entry, a poem, a song – or draw something, or even think of a poem or a song that shows how you feel. If, after you've done it, you feel it's too personal to share with me, that's okay, I won't insist. But I want you to do it, to get your feelings out of your head and into some kind of record. Will you try to do that for me?" Callie nodded. She would try. "There are materials in the arts and crafts room. And I know you already found the guitar. Feel free to use it whenever you like. Music can be a comfort." Callie nodded again. Her thoughts were no longer so jumbled, but she felt tired, even though she had been in a drugged sleep earlier. She was finished talking, and it seemed Dr. Finch understood that. "Why don't you go grab dinner? You'll feel better after you eat." Callie nodded, uncurled herself from the couch, and left for the dining hall.

Dr. Finch put her notes and Callie's file away. "That went well, I think," she said softly to herself. "Not what I thought we were going to talk about today, but what happened earlier changed things. Overall though, I think that went well. She started talking, at least, and that's a good first step. We made some progress today."

_Author's Note 2: For anyone overly concerned with the realistic portrayal of psychiatric wards, yes, I know padded rooms aren't that common anymore. But I'm using artistic license here. Just go with it. (And I watched _Girl, Interrupted_ again last night, so that might have something to do with it.) I've also never been hospitalized, so feel free to tell me if I'm making any big mistakes. Artistic license is great sometimes, and this is (fan)fiction, but I do like to be as accurate as I can. _

_Who should visit Callie tomorrow? And what type of "record" shall she make? Give me your input. And, generally speaking, read and review, please!_


	5. Chapter 5 - Plans

_Disclaimer: ____I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's Note: Thanks for all your comments and suggestions! I tried to take them all until advisement. I owe MKAmericanhero for one of the scenes in here (if you're reading this, you'll know it when you see it. Hope I did it justice.). Sorry if this seems like a little bit of a filler chapter, but school was crazy this week as expected. Also, I wanted to get some focus on the moms, since this kind of thing isn't easy on the parents. And I needed a little more time to prepare for the next chapter, so stay tuned for it (yes, tuned, hint hint)! It'll probably be up next weekend, though maybe earlier in the week. We'll see. As always, read and review please! _

**Chapter 5: Plans**

"I'm so glad Sharon was able to take the kids for the day," Lena said to Stef, as they sat sipping coffee around the kitchen table.

"Yeah, when I called last night, she seemed happy too. Something about a grandma day?"

"I think it will be good for them to get out, have a little fun, take their minds off..." Lena paused, then continued, "...things."

"Callie."

"Yes, Callie." They sat quietly for a while.

"At least we know she's safe now. That's an improvement over before." Stef said finally, breaking the pensive silence.

"Yes, she is safe," Lena agreed. "But really, how close were we to losing her, Stef? Will we ever know? Can we keep her safe, once she comes home? Will she be able to come home, or are they just going to take her away from us? And what about Jude? Will he be able to stay? Should they split them up? What will happen if..."

"Wooah," Stef interrupted. "Breathe, honey." She held her wife's gaze until Lena took a deep breath. "There are a lot of questions. Hopefully, we will get some answers soon. Hopefully, everything will work out. But we can't use up all our energy worrying about it. That's counterproductive."

"You're right, I know you're right. It's just sometimes I can't stop my mind from thinking about it and then it starts to spiral away from me. What are we going to do?"

"Well, we're going to have lunch with Callie. We're going to call Bill and see how much trouble we're in. We're going to prepare for the scenario that Callie is coming home to us tomorrow, and then adapt if necessary. And if they are going to try to take her from us, we're going to fight it like hell for her, because she deserves us and we deserve her. And we'll make sure she gets the help she needs. Sounds like a plan?" Stef liked plans. Every cop knew the value of plans, and of being able to change those plans when needed at a moment's notice. She also liked being prepared. Preparation can mean the difference between life and death.

"Sounds like a plan." Lena's mind could also relax slightly, now that they had a plan. She didn't like the unknown, the uncertain. It made her feel too vulnerable. Like when she was sitting at Stef's bedside in the hospital, not knowing when the love of her life was going to wake up. Plans are good.

"Okay."

"Okay."

But plans didn't have to start right then. They could finish their coffee in peace and quiet, and pretend that it was a perfectly normal day, pre-Callie running away, for just a few minutes. It was beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold, the sun was shining. It was a day that seemed full of wonderful possibilities. It was a day to do wonderful things. The kids at least could enjoy it, at the beach and boardwalk. Lena spared a thought for them, hoping Sharon wouldn't let them have too much sugar, especially Jesus. It did not help his ADHD any, and he would come home positively wired. And that they would all remember sunscreen, especially Brandon and Jude. The twins didn't get burned that easily, but Jude and Brandon had lighter skin.

"Now what?" Stef finally asked, interrupting her ruminations.

"Well, it's after nine already... We should think about heading out soon if we want to be at the hospital at noon."

"God, I wish she was in San Diego. I mean, better L.A. than, I don't know, Indiana, but I wish she were nearer, that we could just drop everything and be there in 5 minutes if need be."

"Indiana..." Lena's voice trailed off, remembering her conversation with Wyatt. He had called them, saying Callie was with him, and then called back less than an hour later, saying she had overheard the conversation, gotten mad, and disappeared. They had still been in California. After waking up to Callie gone and all hell breaking loose, they had almost an hour of knowing where she was and that she was safe before all hell broke loose again. And then nothing. For nine days, nothing of their child. It was right up there with Stef's shooting among the most terrifying experiences of her life.

"I know," Stef said. "But we have to concentrate on the here and now."

Lena nodded, snapping herself out of it. Where was her mind these days? Stress was taking its toil on her, on all of them. "So, half in hour?"

"Yeah. I'm going to see if the hot water's come back, and take a quick shower. I really have to wake up earlier to get one before the kids. You could have woken me, you know."

"I know. But I thought you needed your sleep. It's been a long couple of days, and you're still healing, besides."

"I'm fine," Stef said, a little shortly. Why wouldn't anyone believe her? She didn't need to be mollycoddled.

"I know, I know. Go grab your shower, I'll just put these in the dishwasher and get dressed."

"Love ya," Stef said smiling, pecking her wife on the lips.

"Love you, too." Lena said.

There was in fact hot water, much to Stef's relief, but she didn't get a chance to enjoy the shower. Or even fully dry her hair, before they were in the car driving out to L.A. She drove, while Lena tried to call Bill. She got his answering machine, and left a message, asking to be called back. They had debated whether to call him, or wait to be called, but finally decided last night that the best action was to be proactive. They had taken the proper actions, with regard to CPS. They had nothing to hide, and everything to gain. The rest of the trip was spent bouncing around ideas and possibilities about how to convince Bill (and CPS) to let them keep the Jacobs kids. Permanently. Five kids was the perfect amount. They also discussed the Callie-Brandon situation. It wasn't exactly their idea of perfect, but they could work with it. If the kids really were in love, and wanted to pursue a relationship, they'd offer to become Callie's permanent legal guardians. That way, she could live with them without fear of getting removed by a case worker, she and Jude could stay together, they could parent her, and then when she was 18, she and Brandon would be free to do whatever they wanted. And if the two jumped the gun a little, they could look the other way. Or, if it was just a little teenage infatuation, they would go through with the adoption of both Jacobs kids. Good. More plans. And alternate plans. Now all they had to do was bring Callie home.

With so much to talk about and futures to plan for, the drive didn't seem as long as it had been yesterday, and Stef pulled into the hospital parking lot at 11:30. "Perfect timing," she said, in a tone of self-satisfaction.

"Yes, dear," Lena said, smiling at her wife's tone. "Let's go. Maybe we can find Callie's doctor and talk to her, to see what she says about Callie coming home tomorrow. And whatever else. She didn't say much on the phone last night, only that Callie was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the family coming, even though she was happy to see us all."

"And that Callie wanted to be sure we knew that we were no obligation to come visit her at all," Stef said, a little exasperated. "When we will get through to that girl?"

"Probably not until she's ready to hear it."

"So we just keep showing up."

"Yeah. So let's show up," Lena said impatiently.

This time, they knew where they were going, so it was a lot easier than the previous day. But Stef didn't want it to become easy. Easy meant that it was commonplace, and Callie in a hospital in L.A. should not become commonplace.

They stopped at the nurse's station on Callie's floor. "We're here to see Callie Jacobs," Lena told the nurse there.

"It's group therapy right now," the nurse said, sounding a little bored, or maybe she was just tired, Lena thought charitably. "You can join her for lunch."

"We were also wondering if her doctor – Dr. Finch, that is – has a moment to talk to us, to update us on her stay. Her 72 hour hold ends tomorrow, and we were hoping the doctor would say she was ready to go home."

The nurse looked up at them. "Callie Jacobs? Doubtful. Weren't you informed as to what happened yesterday? We had to sedate her. She thought the wall was a punching bag or something."

"What?" Lena said, gasping. Stef's face had an identical look of horror on it.

"Yeah. Wouldn't be the first time a patient in this ward did something like that," she said offhandedly. Stef really wasn't liking her tone. "We took care of it, let her sleep it off, don't worry. But she isn't capable of handling the outside world, so don't expect to take her home tomorrow."

"Now you listen here," Stef said, having found her voice, her eyes flashing with anger. "I've known Callie a hell of a lot longer than you have, and let me tell you this. Callie is too good at surviving in the outside world. She's had to deal with more of its perils in the last several years than most people in their entire lives. And she's just sixteen. That is what pushed her to the edge, having to survive when most kids her age can be just that, kids."

The nurse was taken aback for a moment before she responded. "Don't you come in here and raise your voice with me. I'm simply telling you how it is. You don't need to get snappy. Please step away from the station."

Stef was about to retort when a calm, cool voice rang out. "Thank you, Corinne, I'll handle this from here." Stef whirled around. Dr. Finch was standing behind them. Her voice was cool, but Stef could see the careful control she was trying to keep over her facial muscles based on the pursed lips, and spent a brief second admiring the poker face the redhead must have.

"Yes, doctor," the nurse responded. Her voice might be polite, but her face told a different story.

"Why don't the two of you come to my office, and we can talk about this?" the doctor offered.

Stef nodded, and they turned away, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw a figure. She focused fully on it, and saw Callie, standing just outside the door of the room where her session must have been held. Her face held an expression Stef couldn't quite read. Lena and Dr. Finch caught on, and followed her eyes.

"Callie," Lena breathed.

"Go to her," Dr. Finch encouraged. She didn't need to say it twice. Stef wasn't sure if she walked or ran down the hall, but suddenly she was in front of Callie, Lena at her side.

"Callie," she said. The girl was motionless. "You heard that?" A nod. Stef hugged her. She wasn't sure what was going through the teen's head. She thought she heard something whispered. "What was that, sweets?"

A little louder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm crazy. She said I'm crazy, didn't she?"

"You're not crazy. She doesn't know you like I do. And I say you're not crazy, understand?" She felt Callie's head nod into her neck, and shared a concerned glance with Lena.

"You defended me," Callie finally said. Her voice sounded shocked, and amazed, like it had been the last thing she had expected.

"You're my kid. That's my job." Stef said simply.

Lena pulled Callie into her own embrace. "That's our job," she said.

Dr. Finch finally spoke, resting her hand on Callie's shoulder. "Callie, I'm going to talk to your moms for a minute or two, is that alright? You can go back to group, or not, whatever you like. Lunch will be in a few minutes. You and me will talk after, okay?"

Callie nodded, and disappeared into the same room as quietly as she had emerged.

"Is she okay? What's going on?" Stef asked.

Dr. Finch guided them into an empty room, and shut the door. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I was planning on meeting you and talking to you about it, but I got called away on an emergency with another patient. Callie had a difficult afternoon yesterday, things became overwhelming, and she reacted in the only way she knew. But since we had removed her usual tools, she panicked and resorted to alternative methods of harming herself. A nurse and two orderlies restrained her, and left her sedated. I spoke with her immediately after she came out of it, and we discussed what happened. I believe it was an aberration, and we also discussed different coping mechanisms. But I do want to keep her here at least another day, and make sure that it doesn't happen again. What you said to Corinne is true; she has experienced more than a sixteen year old should. As a result, the outside world just might be too stressful for her to handle right now. Let's just take it a day at a time, now. Alright?"

Both moms nodded, trying to process all that they heard. "That's why her knuckles are bandaged?" Lena finally asked.

"Yes," Dr. Finch said. "But don't worry. They're scrapes; she didn't badly injure herself." Lena nodded again, reassured.

"Go have lunch. Talk to Callie. Be there. Let her bring it up if she wants. But stop by my office after; I have some literature on self-harm that you might find useful."

"Thanks," Stef said. "We looked it up a little online last night, but..." her voice trailed off.

"But there's a lot of information out there, some of it contradicting, and it can be kind of overwhelming?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"That is a very common thing parents say, which is why I've prepared the literature packets. I've also included a section of additional resources – books, websites, etc – that I've found useful."

"That sounds good."

"Now, go. Eat," she said with a smile. "Your _daughter_" she emphasized the word, subtly endorsing their intentions and emotions "awaits you." They left.

Callie was already sitting in the cafeteria when they arrived, a tray of unappetizing food in front of her. Stef and Lena grabbed trays of their own, and joined her.

"What is this?" Stef asked, to no one in particular.

"I think this is supposed to a chicken nugget," Lena said, poking disdainfully at one of the amorphous, tan things. Even Callie cracked a smile at that one.

"And these?"

"Some form of potato, I would imagine."

"Fries?"

"I don't know if I'd qualify those as fries. What do you think, Callie?"

"According to the menu, they're supposed to be."

"Hmm, I'm not so sure about that..."

"Aren't hospitals supposed to be good for your health? This food can't be all that healthy."

"Lena, honey, we covered that when I was in the hospital. Its supposed to be unappetizing enough so you want to get better faster and get out of there. Incentive, you know."

"So," Callie's voice asked tentatively, "Is it the same with school cafeteria food? So you keep up with your classes and not fall behind?"

"Good point. Imagine what would happen if they served gourmet food in school cafeterias. People might fail a class, stay back, just for the food. Horrors!" Stef's voice was joking.

"Hey!" Lena protested. "Anchor Beach's cafeteria might not be gourmet, but I've tried to make sure it's at least edible! Kids need nutritional food to power their brains for all that good learning."

"Yes, dear," Stef agreed. They picked at their food in silence for a few minutes.

"Where are the kids?" Callie finally asked, quietly.

"With my mom," Stef said. "She's taking them out to the boardwalk and beach. It's just something they do. You'll get a chance to join them on another outing when you come home. It happens every so often."

"Did Jude pack his sunscreen?"

"Yes, I oversaw that myself," Lena said, wondering at the teen before her. Here she was, in a psych ward, still playing the mother to her little brother. Would she ever trust them to fill that role? Suddenly her phone rang, and she checked the caller id. "Sorry, I need to take this," she said, stepping out.

"Did you sleep well?" Stef asked Callie, trying to be subtle about asking her how she felt without pushing her.

"Uh huh," was Callie's vague but noncommittal answer.

"Do you like Dr. Finch? We can ask for a different doctor for you if you want."

"No, she's good."

"That's good." The conversation was strained and Stef didn't know what to do to make it better. She desperately wanted to see how Callie was doing, but the teen wasn't opening up and Dr. Finch had specifically said not to push her right now. She also wanted to know why Callie had a rough afternoon. Did it have something to do with their visit? Did she say something wrong? Lena came back then, interrupting her train of thought.

"Who was on the phone? Are the kids okay?" Stef asked. It wasn't like Lena to interrupt a meal to take a phone call.

"I'm assuming. It wasn't your mom." She looked at Callie briefly, not really wanting to bring it up but not knowing how to get out of. She knew her wife; Stef would press. Finally, she made her decision. "That was Bill. He's been busy with other cases, but he's coming by the house tomorrow to talk about...things." She said this while looking at her daughter's face.

Callie had turned white, her eyes wide and fearful. "Bill?" she squeaked. "Is he...is he...is he..." she could barely get the words out "is he...going to take Jude away? Did I screw everything up?"

She started shaking, rocking herself back and forth in her seat, thumping her hands against the sides of the bench. When Stef saw her reaching toward to plastic fork she had dropped, she knew she had to intervene. She slid over on the bench, and wrapped her arms around the shaking girl, remembering something she had read on the internet last night. _Self-injurious behavior can begin when a child has only him or herself for comfort. Most children, from the time they are babies, know that if they cry, a caregiver will come running to soothe. An older child, after a fight with a friend or other upsetting episode, will come cry on a parent's shoulder. When this is not an option, children learn to comfort and to soothe themselves. One of the methods they can employ to this end involves deliberately harming themselves. The pain releases endorphins in the brain, which act as mood-elevators._ Stef didn't understand the reason why inflicting pain on yourself could be soothing, but she could understand how Callie might have needed to self-soothe in the past, when she was upset. Well, Callie had four shoulders to cry on now, and Stef would be damned if she'd let anyone take that away from her.

Callie was stiff in her embrace, but she stopped thumping her already-injured knuckles against the bench. That was a good sign, right? Lena slid in on the other side, waving away the nurse who had noticed the commotion. She didn't want Callie sedated again if there was another option. Drugs were not a healthy way to deal with overwhelming emotion. They were merely a temporary fix, and God help them all if Callie realized that she could make all the bad emotions go away with the poke of a needle. It could be the start of an addiction, and Lena would spare her that if she could.

"Promise me you'll keep Jude?" her tremulous voice rang out. "Keep him safe?"

"We promise to fight for Jude if need be. He's our son, now. And Callie, we'll fight for you, too, if need be. You're our kids, no matter what anyone else says, and it's our job to fight for you. You've fought your own battles for too long, for you and for Jude. And you've done amazingly well. Let us fight your battles now. Or at least, join you in them. You don't have to do it alone anymore."

"But Bill...he could take us away. You won't be there anymore."

"I won't say it isn't impossible that he could try to take you and Jude away from us. That would be a lie, and you'd see straight through it. I will say that we won't give you up without a fight, and no matter what happens, no matter where you are, if you call, we will come running. We're in your corner, Callie, and we're there to stay, no matter what happens, whether you're 16 or 60. Because that's what families do. We're your family, Callie. Believe it."

Lena added her two cents. "I know it's hard, Callie. You've only been able to rely on yourself for so long. And probably just about everybody you ever trusted in the past has left you, or let you down in some way. You've had, and excuse my language but, shitty fake-parents in the past, so why should we be any different, right? But Callie, think back. You've lived with us a little while now. It may have had its high and its low points, but still, what does that experience tell you?"

"Think about it, sweets." The cafeteria was virtually empty now; the departure of the other patients had gone virtually unnoticed by the three women. A certain redheaded doctor was standing patiently by the door. "Looks like we're keeping you from your therapy appointment."

"It's okay, family time is important," the doctor interjected softly.

Lena turned to Callie. "Callie, do you want us to stay for a while?"

"It's okay. I have activities. And you have four kids at home. You have things to do."

"Yes, we do, but you're important too. We may have four kids at home, who are actually still out with their grandmother, and we have one kid here."

"I'm sorry you had to drive so far."

"We would drive across the country for you. We would drive across the ocean, around the world for you," Stef said.

"Well, fly," Lena interjected, grinning.

"We could drive if we had one of those amphibious cars you see on youtube."

"But we don't, do we?"

"We could get one?"

"Do we need another car?"

"It could be Callie's, when she gets her license?"

"Callie, do you have any need of an amphibious car?"

"No," Callie said. They saw the signs of amusement in her eyes and the hint of a grin at the corner of the mouth, and exchanged triumphant glances.

"See? No need for an amphibious car."

"I still think it would be cool to have one."

"I know, dear. Just don't let Jesus hear you say that." Now that would be the kid who would be very happy with an amphibious car.

"Ladies?" Dr. Finch asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Do you have an amphibious car?" Stef asked the doctor.

"No, I do not. But I do have that literature for you, and a _patient_ with an appointment."

"Right." Stef gave Callie one last squeeze around the shoulders and a kiss on the forehead before getting up, Lena followed suit. "Duty calls." She took the printouts and pamphlets the doctor offered. At the door, she turned back. Callie was still sitting on the bench where they left her. "Bye, sweets. Try to have some fun! Love ya!"

"Bye, Callie. Try not to worry. We love you," Lena added. "Expect a visitor for lunch again tomorrow."

They made their way out to the car. The brief banter had soothed more than just Callie's nerves. It made things feel more normal. Her almost smile gave them hope. "So, you get to drive this time," Stef said, tossing the keys to Lena.

"Yeah, yeah." She motioned toward the literature in Stef's hand. "Why don't you read some of that out loud, and then maybe we can stop by a bookstore on the way home?"

"Sounds like a plan." Plans were good. Plans were very, very good.


	6. Chapter 6 - Embrace

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's note: So so sorry for my hiatus! School has just been really crazy lately (for example, I have a huge test and a quiz on Monday!). I found some inspiration in the wee hours of the morning, but I still really debated posting this chapter this weekend since I didn't have a lot of time to really work on it and I wanted to make it good. Also, I'm not a lyricist. Or a songwriter. But at the same time, I kinda promised it. So, sorry it's not perfect, but here you go! Constructive criticism is always appreciated, but please don't judge. As always, read and review! (Oh, and by way, this chapter will make more sense if you read the one-shot "Pretending to Care", so go do that if you haven't yet.)_

**Chapter 6: Embrace**

For two days now, Callie had spent her free time sitting in a corner of the art room, bent over a sheet of paper, the borrowed guitar at her side. Every so often, she would pick it up, strum a few chords, and put it back down, turning her attention back to the paper. She didn't speak to anyone, and after a few tries, the nurses and even the art therapist left her alone. The only sound coming from the corner was that of the guitar, and of her softly humming to herself.

Finally, on the morning of the second day, her therapist in group brought it up. "Callie," the woman began. "I've noticed you've been working on something in the art room. Care to share?"

Callie shook her head.

"No? Why not?" the woman pressed.

"It's not done yet," was all Callie would say.

The woman seemed to realize that she wouldn't get anything more out of the reticent teenager, and turned to another patient. "Sophia, I heard there was a little trouble during breakfast. What happened?" Sophia had an eating disorder, among other things. There was always trouble around meal times.

Callie tuned out the conversation. She knew she should probably care about the others here, but she was too lost in her own thoughts. And she didn't want to make friends. That would be just more people for her to disappoint. She watched the hands on the clock tick, as they approached noon. Lena had said she would have a visitor for lunch. She wondered if anyone would come.

_Don't get your hopes up, Callie. They've been incredibly kind to you. You're just a waste of their time. They have better things to do, _said the voice in her head.

_But wait._ This was a different voice. _They do keep coming, they do keep showing up. For some reason, maybe you do matter to them. _

_You, matter?! You wish. What's that you always tell Jude... "don't get attached". People always disappoint. Save yourself the pain. Or don't. You deserve the pain. You were selfish. You ruined everything. You'll just keep causing them trouble. If you were really a good person, you'd try to keep them as far from you as possible, to save them from you._

_But they've done a lot more for me, and for Jude, than anyone else. _She tried arguing back. _I obviously caused them a lot of worry when I left. So they must care a little, at least._

_Maybe they do. But that's even more reason to distance. You'll just hurt them. _It was a losing battle. That voice was too strong, and Callie's shoulders slumped under the psychological weight. Was she really arguing with herself, in her own head? _Maybe you really are crazy._ But that didn't keep her from looking up at the clock again. It was lunchtime. She vaguely registered the therapist telling Sophia something about this meal, but she didn't pay it any attention.

The dining room was empty when she reached it, and she halfheartedly grabbed a tray. _I guess nobody's coming_, she thought. She found a seat at an empty table, and started pushing around her food, playing with it rather than eating it. To distract herself from the voice that was coming back, mocking her, she began to make designs with her food, something she hadn't done since she was a child. The mashed potatoes became a volcano, surrounded by broccoli trees. At first, she didn't know what to do with the slab of chicken breast, but then decided to try to build a house. She was so involved she didn't realize two people had approached her until a familiar voice rang out wryly.

"You realize food's for eating, right? Unless you have a secret wish to express yourself and your creativity by building miniatures from leftovers, at which point I will totally support you of course."

Callie looked up. "Stef?" Her voice was a little tremulous, but hopeful. She gave Stef a look like she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"We said you'd have a visitor tomorrow, didn't we?" She set her tray down on the table next to Callie. "Lena's sorry she couldn't make it, by the way, but she had an appointment she just couldn't miss."

Callie finally registered who the other person with Stef was. "Officer Easton?" she asked doubtfully.

"Hi Callie," he said. He stood there for a minute. "Do you mind if I join you?" he asked finally. She shook her head, and he took a seat across from them. Callie looked at Stef, a question in her eyes.

"Oh, we were talking earlier, and he wanted to know how you were doing, so I invited him to come see for yourself. Do you mind? I mean really, sweets, you can tell me if you do."

"It's okay," Callie said, not quite grasping why he cared how she was doing. He had saved the crazy chick on the bridge. He was supposed to go with his life, onto the next crisis.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine," was her quick answer.

"I wasn't asking because I feel the need to follow an insincere social custom," he said dryly. Her eyes widened slightly, and he smiled. "Yes, I do remember our conversation. You opened my eyes to that, you know, and I thank you for it."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You have quite an interesting take on the world, especially for one so young. I was just complimenting your mother earlier, on your maturity and your wisdom."

"And I was saying that I couldn't really take credit for it," Stef interjected. "Your experiences have shaped you, and I have been but a small, recent part in those experiences."

"You're an amazing young lady, Callie, and I feel honored to have met you," Officer Easton said, so sincerely that Callie didn't really have any choice other than to believe him, though she couldn't quite wrap her mind around it. Nobody had ever said that to her before.

"Well, despite the fact I can't take credit, I can feel pride about that. Mamas love it when their children get praised," Stef said, winking at Callie. They ate a few bites of food in silence, as Callie's mind worked frantically to process it. Then Stef spoke again.

"He told me of your conversation; I hope you don't mind," she said, studying Callie's face. Callie just shrugged. She'd expected as much. And it wasn't exactly private; they had been in quite a public place. "You did say some very amazingly mature things, and you were mostly right."

"Mostly?" Callie said, brow furrowed. She hadn't thought what she said meant anything. They were just thoughts, thoughts of a crazy girl on a bridge, albeit thoughts she had had before the bridge.

"Yes, mostly. There's just one thing I want to debate with you on. And that is when you said caring is conditional. Sometimes that's true maybe, with some people. I mean, look at me and my dad. I've felt that way for years with him. You know that. He doesn't accept my relationship with Lena, he didn't even come to my wedding. Do I still think he loves me? Yes, of course, I do. But does he accept me, for me? I don't think so. And that hurts. Because the people who bring you into this world are supposed to love and accept you unconditionally."

Callie nodded. "Supposed to. That's the operative word. Sometimes they don't. And then sometimes, you don't have them anymore, and there's no one else who will."

"And that is where I disagree with you, sweets. My mother still loves me unconditionally, though she may drive me crazy sometimes. And don't you think Lena loves and accepts me unconditionally? She has absolutely no obligation by blood to do so."

Callie started to nod, then realized something. "The, uh... your, uh... wound."

"She came to terms with it. And the gun, and the fact that my job might sometimes put me in danger. And she loves me anyway. She married me, for Pete's sake." Callie nodded. "So, yeah, sometimes people disappoint you. They say they care, and they don't. They say they'll always love you, and they leave. But that doesn't mean that everyone is like that. You can still find people who will care about you unconditionally. Love is what makes a family. And you can choose your family. You can pick the ones who love you. Yes, people might try to put you into a little box, or tell you that you have to act or be a certain way in order to be worth something, but they're not the ones who matter. Their opinions don't matter. You deal with them, or you don't, and at the end of the day, you go home to the ones who do matter."

"It's true," Officer Easton jumped in. "You just have to find the right ones." He hesitated, though something made him say it. "You hate boxes. Me too. Don't put everyone in the box that says 'Cares conditionally' on it."

Callie reared back, as if struck. She had done that. _Hypocrite_, she told herself. Stef must have seen something in her eyes, because she jumped in before the voice had a chance to start again.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," she said, soothingly. "It's hard to break habits and beliefs that all your experiences in life have led you to. But sometimes we have to face those beliefs head on in order to get past them and heal, yes?" She hugged the teenager. This had been a hard conversation to have, and honestly, she wondered if she was doing right by having it. But having hearing Officer Easton's account of the conversation, she knew she had to address the issue to help Callie move on. She had to find a way to show the girl that she did have people around her now who would love her and care for her unconditionally.

They changed the conversation, veering away from the heavy stuff. "I talked to my friend," Officer Easton said. "He said he'd love to take you on as a student."

"A student? For what?" Stef asked.

"Hang gliding. Didn't I tell you? Callie mentioned wanting to be as free as a bird on the wind, and I told her about my friend who teaches hang gliding. I mean, it's kinda like having your own set of wings, right?"

"Huh," Stef said. "How did I not know you were interested in that?"

Callie shrugged. "I didn't really think there would be a way of having wings."

"Well, I've always wanted to try it myself. I stopped trying to convince Lena a few years ago; she's deathly afraid of heights, you know. Doesn't even like the Ferris wheel. I always thought it would be awesome. I was waiting for Jesus to get a little older before I tried to convince him to try it with me, but hey, if you're already interested, we should totally go for it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." The look on Stef's face could only be read as sheer enthusiasm.

"Okay."

"Deal. Well, once we convince Lena, that is. As I said, she's, uh, not the biggest fan. She says humans are meant to have their feet on the ground."

"Well, in biology, we were talking about evolution and sharing a common ancestor with apes. So, way back whenever, weren't we really meant to be swinging in trees?"

"Yeah, you can look it like that. But I think Jude is the only way who swings in trees anymore."

"Yeah," Callie said, a fond look of remembrance crossing over her features. But it was gone as swiftly as it arrived. "Jude! Is he okay? Did he get sunburned?"

Stef laughed. "No, he didn't. Fact is, he came home complaining that he stank of sunscreen and that now he has three more siblings trying to slather him with it. He said he wished you were there, because then he might only have about a third of the bottle on him, not the whole thing."

"Did they really use a whole bottle on sunscreen?"

"Well, the bottle was empty when they brought it home..." Stef said, trailing off. Callie's eyes went wide. "But, it didn't go out full. And he had to share it." Callie relaxed. "He's doing better, now that he knows you're safe. We all are." She hugged the teen again.

"I have to get going," Officer Easton said. "My lunch break is over. It was really good seeing you again, Callie. Your mom has my number. I hope you'll stay in touch." Callie could only nod, and then he left, after bidding Stef farewell also. Callie was silent for awhile.

"I know there's a question burning in those eyes," Stef said finally.

"Why'd he come?" she said. "Did you ask him to come see me?"

"I wanted to talk to him, so I got Dr. Finch to give him my number."

"She had it?"

"Callie, he's been here almost every day to check in on you. But they didn't want you to feel too overwhelmed, and visitors are usually limited to just family, so he kept in touch with your doctor to check on you. He wasn't lying when he said you impressed him."

"I don't understand," she finally admitted.

"I know, sweets. It's hard for you to see how special you really are. I knew that the first time I met you. So I'm going to tell you until you can believe it for yourself, and then I'm going to keep telling you until you're embarrassed and all you want is for me to shut up, because that is what mothers do."

"Mothers." Callie repeated.

"Yes, mothers. Most people only get one. But if I have anything to say about it, and provided of course it's still okay with you, you're going to get another two soon. That'll be three in your lifetime."

Callie was silent, but a small smile crossed her face.

The cafeteria was clearing out. "Do you have an appointment with Dr. Finch after lunch?" Stef asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Stef?"

"Yes?"

"Do you...I mean, you probably do..." she trailed off.

"Do I what?" Stef encouraged.

"Do you have anywhere you need to be this afternoon? I mean, I'm sure you have better things to do than sit around here..."

"I am exactly where I need to be this afternoon. There is nothing better to do. Why do you ask?"

"I... I just...I mean..."

"Callie?" Dr. Finch was at the door of the dining room. "You're scheduled for a session right now. Do you want me to postpone it so you can spend a little while longer with your mom?" Callie risked a glance, trying to read the doctor's face. She didn't look annoyed at being kept waiting.

She fought against the voices inside her head and gathered her courage. "I...I was hoping that she...I mean, if it's okay with you... could she...maybe...come in with us for a little bit?" Both women turned toward the teenager, who immediately stared at the floor, suddenly finding her slippers very interesting.

"That would be fine, Callie," Dr. Finch said, wondering where this would go. "Would now be a good time?"

Callie nodded. If she had to wait, she would lose her courage. "Can I...get something first?"

"Yeah, sure. You know where my office is. We'll meet you there shortly?"

Callie nodded, and left the room, heading in the direction of the art therapy room.

Dr. Finch turned toward Stef. "Do you know what this is about?"

"I was hoping you'd tell me."

"I guess we'll both have to wait and see."

Callie arrived at the office, only a minute or two after Stef and Dr. Finch, guitar in one hand and a folded piece of paper in the other. She settled down in the same corner of the couch she always took, and sat there silently.

"So, Callie, you initiated this. Why?" Dr. Finch finally asked, encouraging but pressing the obviously unsure teenager.

"I did what you asked, the day before yesterday." Pause. "I tried to get the feelings out of my head." Another pause, but nobody was trying to hurry her. "You said I didn't have to share." They both realized what a big thing Callie was trying to do, and just how shaky her courage was. "But...after the conversation we just had-" she said, gesturing to herself and Stef- "I thought, maybe..." Another pause. "Maybe I should?" The last bit came out as a whispered question.

"If you're comfortable, I think that would be a good idea," Dr. Finch said. Stef nodded her agreement. She didn't really trust herself to say anything, not wanting to potentially break Callie's tenuous resolve.

"Music makes things easier," Callie said. Slowly, inch by inch, she pulled the guitar into her lap. She struck a few notes, and tuned it slightly. "It's not finished yet," she said apologetically.

"That's okay," Stef said.

Callie nodded. She began playing. Stef didn't recognize the tune, and wondered if it was something the teen had composed herself. After a long instrumental introduction, Callie added her voice, so soft at first that they had to strain to hear her, but she sang it directly to Stef.

"You tell me I'm not worthless  
You tell me that you care  
You opened up your home to me  
You said you'd always be there.  
You tell me you see the pain,  
That hides behind my smile.  
You tell me that you love me,  
And that I'm not my file.  
You offered me a family,  
And I want it so bad, so much,  
But I can't take your gift,  
I ruin everything I touch.

"Because every time I try to fight, I lose  
Every time I stand up for what's right, I fall  
Nobody cares for me, you can't  
It's impossible,  
I'm unlovable."

Stef didn't notice the tears running down her face. _She thinks she's unlovable?_

"All I wanted was some love  
And he offered me that.  
He gave me his affection,  
And stroked me like a cat.  
He was so much older,  
Enough to know wrong from right  
I didn't realize how wrong it was  
Until that fateful night.  
He took advantage of me,  
Of my neediness, my youth,  
He tore my soul to pieces,  
And I let him, that's the truth."

_It's not your fault,_ Stef wanted to tell her. _It's not your fault_.

"Every time I try to fight, I lose  
Every time I stand up for what's right, I fall  
Nobody cares for me, you can't  
It's impossible,  
I'm unlovable.

"I made a promise to myself,  
When he left me in the dark,  
I would never trust again,  
He had made his mark.  
Then I tried to make it right,  
Tried to save another girl's life  
Put up a fight and failed,  
Causing you nothing but strife.  
Another made me feel those things  
And though long I kept it at bay  
Finally I let my walls down  
And kissed him that fateful day.

"Every time I try to fight, I lose  
Every time I stand up for what's right, I fall  
Nobody cares for me, you can't  
It's impossible,  
I'm unlovable."

As Callie play a few bars in between verses, Stef looked to Dr. Finch. The other woman wore a carefully neutral face, but Stef had been a cop a long time. She knew the song was affecting her too.

"There's dear old friend Guilt on my left  
And my good friend Shame on my right  
And they push me down until  
I no longer wish to fight  
The only thing left to do,  
Though it was very tough,  
Was to free your family from me,  
I was finally unselfish enough.  
I thought I could survive  
Strong enough for the world  
Maybe I could have made it  
Before you spoke to me those words

"Every time I try to fight, I lose  
Every time I stand up for what's right, I fall  
Nobody cares for me, you can't  
It's impossible,  
I'm unlovable."

There was a long bridge, and then softer, slower, Callie sang a few lines more.

"You tell me that I matter  
But that's impossible  
You tell me that you love me  
But I'm unlovable."

Callie played a few more bars, but soon dropped the guitar to the floor, curling herself up into a little, protective ball on the couch.

"Thank you for sharing how you feel with me, Callie," Stef said, still a little tearfully. "It really means a lot to me, your honesty. And the song was beautiful."

Callie didn't respond. She wondered that she made it through the song at all, when she felt so raw; it was like her skin had been ripped off her leaving her exposed to the harshness of the world.

Stef continued. "I'm not talented like you are, or Brandon, though he did come by his musicality honestly. I don't think I could write a song like that, but I did hear one on the radio while I was driving over here that made me think of you and all the things I wanted to tell you. I even pulled over and downloaded it on my phone, so I could listen to it for the rest of the ride." There was still no response from Callie, so Stef knelt down before her, on the ground, placing her hands on Callie's feet, and her eyes where Callie's own could meet them, if she just looked up from her knees a little. "I want to sing it for you now, if that's okay with you." Still no answer. Stef took a breath.

"Laying alone with the history that made you,  
Cold and uncertain inside.  
Well, careful now, deep breath,  
The water's still rising, but your silver lining's in sight.  
When you, you feel like you're breaking down,  
And your, your body's just giving in,  
And you, you can't go one broken like this  
Any longer.

"Close your eyes, don't you cry  
Let the sorrow within you subside  
Don't despair, have no fear  
Give your way to me when you hear this lullaby  
Lullaby"

Finally, after Stef was starting to wonder if this had been such a good idea after all, Callie started to react. She loosened her hold on her knees just slightly, and Stef's trained eyes could see clenched muscles beginning to relax. She still didn't say a word, but she was responding, so Stef kept going.

"You say all seems so wrong with the life that you're living  
You're searching for some reason why  
You're so scared to trust, you're feeling unworthy  
Aching for comfort tonight.  
When your heart's too sore to beat  
And you, you fear it might never heal  
And you, you feel not even beggars want you  
I do

"Close your eyes, don't you cry  
Let the sorrow within you subside  
Don't despair, have no fear  
Give your way to me when you hear this lullaby  
Lullaby."

Callie slowly brought her head up from her knees, and just as Stef had planned for, her red-rimmed eyes immediately met Stef's. But rather than immediately turning away, she actually held eye contact and Stef sung the rest of the song directly to her, never breaking eye contact.

"Close your eyes, don't you cry  
Let the sorrow within you subside  
Don't despair, have no fear  
Give your way to me when you hear this lullaby  
Don't you cry  
Let the darkness within you feel light  
Don't despair, have no fear  
You'll find comfort in me like a child with this lullaby,  
Lullaby, lullaby  
This lullaby  
Don't you cry  
This lullaby  
Close your eyes."

With that, Callie fell forward and into her arms, sobbing violently. And Stef held on tightly, like her life depended on it. The child of her heart had sought her arms, had initiated this contact. The child of her heart, who for so long had had to self-soothe, was sobbing on her shoulder. The child of her heart, who had acted in the role of a parent to her little brother, was finally willing to let herself be parented. And Stef felt so intensely honored to have been chosen. It wasn't a solution, but it was a start. She knew they still had work to do. But right now, she had her child in her embrace, and that was all that mattered.

~~~o~~~

_Disclaimer 2: The song Stef sang was Lullaby by Emmy Rossum. _


	7. Chapter 7 - Doubts

_Disclaimer: I don't own the Fosters, only the plot and any characters you don't recognize from the show._

_Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your reviews! Every time I see one, it totally brightens my day. I love you all! Here's a short, little filler chapter since I feel I've been neglecting the rest of the family (especially Jude) too much. It picks up right at the end of chapter 6. Read and review, please! (Sorry for any typos; I wrote and posted this pretty quickly.)_

**Chapter 7: Doubts**

Though it felt like Callie had sobbed in her arms for hours, while she spoke soothing words and rubbed circles on her back, the clock in her car showed Stef that it was only about 2-o'clock in the afternoon. Callie's session had started a little after one. She had been in there less than an hour. Once Callie had stopped sobbing so violently, and had calmed down, and after Stef had held a tissue to her nose and told her to blow like a little child, Dr. Finch had asked Callie if she had anything else she wanted to discuss while Stef was there. Callie had shaken her head, and Dr. Finch had suggested that they talk then, if that was okay with Callie. It was Stef's cue to leave, and better her departure be Dr. Finch's idea. Neither of them wanted Callie to feel like she was being abandoned after opening up so much.

So here Stef was, sitting her car, trying to process all that had happened. In a way, she was jubilant. Callie had opened up. Callie had initiated touch. Callie had allowed Stef to soothe her. All of these things were **big** milestones, and that made Stef happy. But at the same time, she was sad. Sad that for the first time in years Callie had felt like she had a shoulder to cry on. Sad that she had had to grow up far too quickly. Sad that she was hurting so much, and Stef couldn't just snap her fingers and make it all go away. She'd love to snap cuffs on Liam right about now, but unfortunately that just wasn't legal. _Damn it. _She considered staying in her car, just in case Callie wanted her back, when she got a text from Lena. After reading it, she immediately started the car and begun the drive back to San Diego. Bill was at the house. Not even knowing if it would be necessary, she started mentally preparing herself for a fight. After what just happened, there was no way she was letting go of either of the kids.

Stef pulled up the driveway a little after 4 pm, and immediately noticed the lack of case worker's car. So she'd missed him. Not too surprising; CPS workers were notoriously overworked, so his visits never lasted very long. Still, she had expected to cross paths with him, given the enormity of the case. _A short visit could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Hmmm._ She walked inside.

"Hello?" she called.

Lena came from the kitchen. "Hey, babe, how was Callie?"

"She had a breakthrough today. I'll tell you in a second. Where are the kids? Bill's gone already?"

"The kids are upstairs. I'll tell you about Bill in a second. Callie first."

"Alright. Let's sit." She aimed them toward the living, and they settled down on the couch.

"First things first," she said and leaned it, kissing her wife. "I haven't seen you for hours."

"Your shift is longer than that."

"I know, I know." Stef turned down at the corners. "What, you didn't miss me? You don't want to kiss me?"

"Don't be silly," Lena said, trying not to laugh at her wife's attempt at a pout. "I love kissing you," she said, kissing her back. "But I am eager to learn about our daughter's breakthrough. Unless you're trying to distract me for some reason?"

"No, no reason. It's just been an emotional day. I talked to the cop, the one who talked her off the bridge. Then we joined Callie for lunch, and I finally had a serious conversation with her. Then she invited me into her therapy session, which, needless to say, came as a shock, and then she had a very emotional breakthrough. And then you texted me about Bill. So yeah, emotional, and all I wanted was you by my side."

"Well, I'll be by your side as you tell me all about it." She paused. "I wouldn't have minded having you by my side today, too."

"Too bad neither of us has mastered the ability to be in two places at once."

"Now _that_ would be a useful skill to have." And this time Lena did laugh a little. Laughter felt good. She knew it was excellent stress relief. And there hadn't been many things to laugh about recently.

Stef began repeating Callie's conversation with the bridge cop to Lena, carefully leaving out the fact that she was fully intending to take Callie hang-gliding at some point. _That_ bit was going to require some careful tactical planning in the future. Finally, she was at the point where Callie had brought the guitar to therapy.

"She sang me a song, Lena," Stef said, a slight hitch in her voice betraying the emotions behind the memory. "A song all of her own. Tune, lyrics, she wrote it. And it was so real, so emotional. And filled with so much pain."

"I wish I could've been there."

"I wish you could've been there, too. But here," she said, passing her a folded piece of paper. "Callie gave this to me before I left. They photocopied it, for her file, before they let me take it home."

Lena opened the folded piece of paper. She quickly realized that Stef had just handed her Callie's song. There were a lot of cross-outs and eraser marks, and margins and spaces between the lines were heavily annotated in what she could only believe were chord progressions. Brandon could probably explain it to her, but as she read through the lyrics, she realized that it might be best to keep it from him for now. Stef was right. There was a lot of pain there, and she wanted to spare her sensitive son if she could.

Finally, she looked up, into Stef's eyes. "Unlovable?" she said, voice breaking. Stef could see tears on her cheeks, though she was not sobbing. It was like a cup overflowing with water, and as she reached over to embrace her wife, they found comfort in each other.

"Was this the breakthrough?" Lena asked.

"The first part. Honestly, I was shocked she opened up this much, but afterward, she totally turned inward, like she thought I would just reject her. So I sang to her."

"You sang? I haven't heard you sing in...well, outside the shower...in forever. I don't even remember the last time."

"I heard this song on the radio driving in, and it just seemed really suited for the moment. And I figured if Callie could sing to me, I could sing to her."

"Did she respond?"

"She did. It was more than I ever hoped for. She literally fell into my arms, sobbing and holding on for dear life."

"She initiated it?" Lena said, surprised.

"She did."

"She let you comfort her."

"She did."

They sat quietly, each in their own minds as they thought and processed and reflected upon what had taken place earlier that day. Stef was brought out of her thoughts as she saw Lena's face fall a little.

"What's wrong?"

"It's horrible, what that poor girl has been through. And I'm really glad that she's bonded with you so well. I am, truly. But..."

"But what?"

"Do you think I'll ever have that kind of relationship with her?"

Stef reached over to hug her doubting wife. "I'm sure you will. Just give in time, love. She'll come to her, and together, we'll make up for everything she's missed. We'll give her the world." She paused. "We will, right? What did Bill say?"

Lena sighed. "We had a long talk earlier today. And he talked to some of the kids, Jude especially..."

As if she had called him, Jude appeared at the foot of the stairs. "You're home!" he cried out. "Did you see Callie? How is she?"

"She's doing better, sweets," Stef replied.

"She is? Then why can't I see her? Doesn't she want to see me? Is she mad at me?" His entire face fell.

"Come here," Lena said, patting the space on the couch between them. "Sit." He trudged over.

"Jude, baby, Callie loves you." Stef began. "She's not mad at you, not at all. She asks about you every time. Like today, after she found out you had been at the beach yesterday, she wanted to know if you had remembered sunscreen. I told her you complained about having to wear three times as much as if she was there, because you had three more siblings trying to slather it on you."

Jude smiled a little at this. "She's always watched out for me. I was just so mad, when I said she was selfish."

"We know that. And so does she," Lena soothed.

"She's going through some stuff, processing what has happened to you guys over the last years."

"It was harder on her. Always. She protected me for it, but I still had to watch her get hurt."

"I know. That's why she's getting some help, dealing with it all, realizing that it wasn't her fault and that she can be happy. That there are people who will love her unconditionally."

"But why can't I see her?"

"She's still watching out for you, bud. She doesn't think a hospital is any place for a kid, and she doesn't want you to develop memories of her in there. She wants to come home and be your strong sister again. Fact is, we feel honored that she trusts us enough to take care of you in her absence. You tell me, but I doubt that's happened much before."

"No, never. I mean, she's left me before, like when they took her to juvie, but she used the moments before she left to coach me how to stay safe while she was gone. She didn't trust _him_, nah unh."

"See? She knows that this is a good, safe place for you. She just has to accept that it can be a good, safe place for her, too."

Lena cut in, when Jude looked confused. "Jude, sometimes when people have let us down our entire lives, we stop believing that there are people who won't abandon us. Callie was there for you, to show you that there was a least one person in your life who cared for you unconditionally. She kept you safe from that belief. But no one did that for you."

"I tried!"

"I know you did. And you did really good. But no adult did. So when we showed up on the scene, Callie just couldn't believe that it was for real. Can you understand that?"

"I guess. Is that why she ran?"

"We think so. It's very overwhelming for her."

"It's not because of me?" He still sounded so hesitant.

"No, it's not. It's definitely not."

"Is she coming home soon? I heard someone say that they had to keep her for 72 hours. It's been 72 hours."

"I wish I could give you answer, sweets. I really do. But it's up to the doctor. It may be tomorrow. It may be next week."

"I really do want to see her."

"I know. And I promise you that if she stays through the weekend, I will talk to her doctor and see what we can do. Okay?"

"I guess." He was silent, but they could hear footsteps pounding down the stairs.

"Hey Mama?" Jesus's voice rang out. His head soon followed. "Oh, Mom, you're home. Hi. What are we going..." he trailed off, as he saw the three on the couch. "Oh, am I interrupting something?"

"Nah, what's up?" Lena asked.

"I'm hungry. What are we going to have for dinner?"

"I suppose it is about that time, isn't it?" She shot Stef a look. "Let me think for a minute...Well, to be honest, I haven't really thought about it. What do you guys want? We could get a pizza? Chinese? Tacos? We could go out for hamburgers? I could toss together a quick pasta or something?"

Jude and Jesus shared a look. It was Jesus who finally spoke up. "Mama, and note, this is me talking and I never turn down the chance for pizza, we've had a lot of takeout over the last few days."

Lena saw Jude nodding in agreement. "Pasta it is then. I think we have the makings for that here."

"Cool." Jude said.

"I'll throw together a salad," Stef said, rising.

"I'll set the table!" Jude dashed toward the kitchen, intent on the silverware drawer, as Lena and Stef shared an amused look.

"Wanna be my chopper?" Lena asked Jesus.

"Sure," he said, shrugging.

"Really?"

"If I chop, we'll eat sooner."

"You must be really hungry, my man."

"Hungry for your cooking, mama," he said with a smile, before joining Jude in the kitchen.

Stef and Lena shared a glance. Stef raised an eyebrow. "Bill?"

"Later" was all Lena replied, before getting up to join the kids in the kitchen. She turned back to Stef. "Funny, but we haven't seen Mariana or Brandon in a while..."

Stef's eyebrows both shot up. "I'll go check on them." She took the stairs, poking her head first in Brandon's room, where he was at his keyboard, headphones in his ears, and then in Mariana's room.

"What's up, Mom?" Mariana asked, rising her head at the intrusion. She was busy painting her nails a bright pink that made Stef's eyes hurt.

"Nothing, just saying hi," Stef said, relieved to know that they had no more runners. Not that she had thought they did when Lena said that, but then again, she didn't expect to wake up the morning after her wedding to find Callie gone either.

"Okay, hi."

"Your mama's cooking pasta for dinner. It should be ready in a little while."

"That's cool. Be a nice change from takeout."

"That's what your brothers said too." She was about to leave, when Mariana's voice rang out again.

"Did you see Callie today?"

"I did."

"Is she coming home soon?"

"Hopefully. I don't really know." They both looked at Callie's empty bed.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that when you first said I had to share a room with her, I wasn't all that excited. But now that she's not here, it just feels like sorta empty. Like something's missing. I hope she knows that her bed's still here and waiting for her."

"I'm sure she does. But I'll make sure to tell her that."

"We still can't see her?"

"As I told Jude, if she's there through the weekend, I'll see about bringing you guys to see her, whoever wants, that is."

"Okay." Mariana sounded resigned.

"I know it's hard, but right now, we just have to give her time, and trust the doctors."

"At least we know she's safe."

"Yes, that we do know. And she will be coming home, in time." Stef was happy in that moment knowing all her children were safe.

"Stef!" She heard Lena's voice calling from downstairs. "Are you going to make that salad or do I have to do that?"

She shared a smile with Mariana. "Your mama beckons."

"You better answer."

"Stef!"


End file.
